Been A Minute

Hi there! I took a small break from here. I didn't have everything that I wanted ready for this as soon as I thought I did. I had to get my thoughts more collected. I needed a more structured way of what and when to write.

Still don't have a timeline of when I want new posts up, according to my Instagram my followers are most active on Wednesday and Fridays so maybe I'll do it based on that.

SO anyways to update with my motherhood journey since its been two months since I posted!

I decided I wanted to stop breastfeeding since it was honestly too much on me. She can have regular milk and alternatives in two months so I don't feel too awful about her having formula. Breastfeeding is so much work and it really was just too much on my anxiety. I have had a pretty rough transition myself when it comes to breastfeeding ending. My hormones are trying to balance out and I have had the WORST anxiety and panic attacks already and its been about a three weeks since I started to quit breastfeeding. I am still producing but I stopped pumping all together during the pandemics first quarantine back in March. I had no reason to pump since I was home all the time and she preferred boob anyways.

I knew that I was going to have a rough transition regardless because I was pre-warned about the anxiety being heightened when a family member stopped breastfeeding.

With the scares of having a baby during the pandemic it was nerve racking that I stopped breastfeeding her because of all the benefits when she gets sick. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had a few panic attacks thinking I was a bad mother for not breastfeeding her. I feel like this still on occasion but it was literally hurting me mentally every-time I pumped. I get this weird uncomfortable sadness just thinking about pumping.

The one thing I have to admit is I miss being able to whip it out when she wakes up around 2-3 AM to eat and then be able to go back to sleep as soon as shes done. Now I have to get up, go downstairs and make a bottle. My life could be worse though. I can't complain.

I wish there wasn't that stigma on breastfeeding that you're a bad mom if you formula feed or that you're a BETTER mom if you breastfeed. It is what it is though.

Another thing is that I am slowly but surely losing the pregnancy weight. It's been difficult but I am finally dropping a few of the pounds here and there. I have definitely been eating better and drinking - mostly - coffee and water. I get super discouraged still when I see pictures of myself from 2018, but I am determined to get back to that body. (or close to it.)